Back in my day, we didn’t have high-end adult-collector oriented toys, Harry Potter-oriented or otherwise. But these days, any geek with the disposable income to drop can have a high-end collectible of just about anything they want. A buddy of mine has an off-brand, upscale set of Constructicons that cost more than most computers. A friend of his collects Hot Toys Iron Man figures. Any idea how much those run for? Hundreds. Of course, if you’re willing to drop hundreds of dollars on an insanely detailed, ultra-high-end reproductions of virtually any movie Iron Man armor you can think of, they’re pretty worth it by the looks of things. If you have the cash, prettymuch any piece of movie or geek related paraphernalia can be yours these days, and I’m A-OK with that…..most of the time. This is one of those times when I have to plant my feet and say “No more”, because this new Hermione Granger toy from Sideshow Collectibles is the scariest single thing I’ve ever seen.
Look at it. Stare into its cold, lifeless eyes, tell it your deepest darkest secrets, let it haunt your nightmares and run around your domicile making little tappy noises like the puppets from Puppet Master. Heck, I would not be at all surprised to find this thing perched over me as I slept, a leech extruding from its creepily-widened mouth. Oh sure, Sideshow offers Harry and Ron figures too, but there’s something less unsettling about those two, maybe the sculpted hair or slightly less lifelike facial sculpts. Or maybe it’s that smile on tiny Hermione’s face, that creepy innocent little smile that seems to have all the evil and malice of Satan himself hiding just behind it. I don’t know what it is. But either way, I won’t have this thing in my house. Not for you, not for anyone. But hey, maybe you’re braver than me, or maybe you want to buy a bunch of them and use them as some kind of elaborate prank, leaving them around a friend’s house, say. I won’t judge.
You can buy your own creepy little abomination from Sideshow here. Maybe play this music while you’re doing it: