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Box Office Sabermetrics: A Rock and a Hard Place

  Earlier this year, the much anticipated box office juggernaut Furious 7 was released, and proceeded to break box office records on it’s way to a whopping $1.5 billion worldwide gross. This was great news for two of the film’s stars, The Rock (Never Dwayne Johnson, just The Rock) and Vin Diesel. They had just …

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Michael Bay Hears You, He’s Just Not Listening: In Defense of the 6.4 Billion Dollar Man

There’s a scene just before the third act climax in Michael Bay’s magnum opus Bad Boys II where Marcus and Mike are about to head out on a suicide mission, against strict orders, to rescue Marcus’s sister/Mike’s girlfriend Syd. Suddenly, some SWAT members walk in and one says, “I don’t know you, but you look like you’re …

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Hard as a Rock: What the Box Office for ‘San Andreas’ means for The Rock

This past weekend, one of the most important and breakthrough-caliber events happened in the personal history of The Rock, even bigger than when he got into filmmaking and took the stage name “Dwayne Johnson” (I cannot verify this theory, just trust me though). The Rock’s disaster movie San Andreas was released, and it did something …

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‘San Andreas’ is a hilariously big disaster

San Andreas is not a good movie. Let’s get this out of the way right up front. It is a colossal pile of total garbage. It is also a lot of fun. The filmmakers throw so much wholesale destruction at the audience it produces a giddy thrill every time skyscrapers fall like dominoes or the Golden Gate Bridge is destroyed by a tsunami.

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Ride or Die: A Complete History on the Evolution of ‘The Fast and the Furious’ Franchise

“Ride or die.” Those words only appear a few times in the franchise – most famously out of Vin Diesel’s gravelly baritone in Fast & Furious 6 – but they have become the personal motto for how this franchise has continued, grown, succeeded and become greater with each film. Today, Furious 7, the latest in the …

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‘Doom’: The doom of the Rock’s action career and video game adaptations in general

In 2013, The Rock was named the highest grossing actor of the year with his films pulling in a combined $1.3 billion. Things were not always this great for The Rock though. When he first started out his initial run of action movies in search of action stardom, he didn’t have much luck. The Rundown and Walking Tall, while perfectly fine action films on their own, both underperformed at the box office. Then came Doom, which was either going to be his third strike or his home run. It ended up being the former, causing two things to happen – The Rock’s action career disintegrated for 6 more years, and the belief that video game adaptations are unsuccessful was bolstered.

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The Rock: Always The Rocksmaid, Never The Rocksgroom

This Friday will see the release of The Rock’s (None of this Dwayne Johnson nonsense, he’s The Rock) newest action tentpole Hercules, with him playing the historic hero. You’ve probably already made up your mind if you’re going to see this film or not, you’re not anxiously waiting on the fence. You probably haven’t given …

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Auteur of Action: Michael Bay in the Criterion Collection

The Criterion Collection has a pedigree that few other media distribution outlets can match. Widely respected for bringing consumers the highest possible quality editions of landmark, respected, and exemplary films, their only peer is perhaps the Mobile Fidelity Sound Lab (an audiophile-focused line of remastered classic albums), and the MFSL doesn’t have nearly the same …

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‘The Rock’ a revealing window into Project 007

The idea of a Michael Bay film being open to interpretive scrutiny is, quite frankly, so fanciful that it practically defies the laws of our known universe. As his champions are so fond of adamantly stating, his flicks are popcorn movies designed purely for entertainment and occasional pre-pubescent escapist wish fulfillment. But it is a …

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Monday Night Raw 4/8/13 – Post-WM show steals PPV’s thunder with shocks aplenty

Another year, another subpar Wrestlemania. The production, talent and sheer manpower that goes into producing a show of this magnitude is greatly admired and appreciated by all watching, and is rarely to fault for the eventual disappointment of the finished product. The competitors can’t take the entirety of the blame for a merely passable match, …

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Monday Night Raw 4/1/13 – The go-home show saves its best gasps ’til last

John Cena made it ten minutes into his promo before being hushed with “boring” chants, the crowd united against him despite his description of Washington DC as a house divided into “Cenacrats” and “Rockpublicans”. The Great One stopped by later in the evening and predictably scored a better reaction from the fans, but his segment …

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Monday Night Raw 3/18/13 – Undertaker/Punk climbs to the top of the Wrestlemania card

“You’ve got 20 days left to pick a side,” said Cena to the Pittsburgh crowd, as part of his obligatory stand-and-point-at-the-Wrestlemania-sign promo. It’s a fair ask, especially if you’re placing money on the match; I’d encourage you all to bet life savings on John Cena defeating The Rock for the WWE Championship. Aside from gambling …

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