Dakota Johnson

‘How to Be Single’ tackles the ambitious task of encapsulating single life in the new millennium with predictably frustrating results.

Cymbeline is director Michael Almereyda’s second Shakespeare adaptation set in modern day, his last being 2000’s Hamlet, also starring Ethan Hawke. The Bard’s late work tragedy, previously set in the Royal Court of Olde England, receives a face-lift, updated to a war between the Roman police force and the Briton Motorcycle Club ran by Cymbeline (Ed Harris). The King trades in a crown for an Uzi and a leather jacket as a drug kingpin troubled by familial strife. His second wife (the serpentine Mila Jovovich) despises Cymbeline’s daughter, Imogen (Dakota Johnson, proving she has acting chops that viewers may not find in Fifty Shades of Grey), for not marrying her son, Cloten (Anton Yelchin). In secret, Imogen has pledged herself to Posthumus (Penn Badgley), much to Cymbeline’s displeasure.

Between the monologue, one whole sketch, and the punchline of another sketch, you would think that Fifty Shades of Grey is Dakota Johnson’s first acting role. Even though it is her big break, Johnson has had roles before (Ben and Kate forever!) and she will likely have roles after. But the titillation of being able to make jokes at the expense of BDSM is just too strong for the writers this week. And it’s easy not to blame them, because Johnson comes off as utterly uncomfortable with her duties tonight. Johnson appeared to be a bundle of nerves during her monologue, standing stiff, not moving her arms, her voice shaky.

Fifty Shades of Grey is not horrible. In fact, the first hour isn’t bad at all. A dry, offbeat charm complements a delicate story structure that would be at home in any generic romance film. The second hour, however, is an epic endurance test. This material is woefully thin, and because the filmmakers have scaled back the smut factor, there’s not enough eye candy to keep things interesting, either. By the end, you’ll be fifty shades of bored.