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Glee, Ep. 5.08, “Previously Unaired Christmas” should have remained unaired

Glee, Ep. 5.08, “Previously Unaired Christmas” should have remained unaired

Glee S05E08 promo pic 2

Glee, Season 5, Episode 8, “Previously Unaired Christmas”
Written by Ross Maxwell
Directed by Wendey Stanzler
Airs Thursday 9pm ET on Fox

Glee‘s “Previously Unaired Christmas” should have stayed hidden in the archives. Overly contrived and without the show’s typical well-done music numbers to keep it afloat, this episode should never have seen the light of day. Between the hamster posing as a vole, Sam and Unique’s obviously current hair, and Sue being nice, this episode keeps us laughing at the characters, instead of with them.

First let us address “Mary’s Boy Child”, Jamaican style, with tear-away fur coats and sparkly white leotards (except for Unique, who looks like a drag queen posing as a sailor). Why? My first question is, who thought that was a good idea to begin with? That person then had to convince a room full of other writers and producers that it was a show-stealing performance and iTunes chart topper. The scene is, in a word, painful. The vocals are fine but the dance routine, musical arrangement, and costumes are cringe-worthy. The one highlight is Coach Bieste’s comment about being part Jamaican.

The whole Kitty storyline is unbelievable, even with our knowledge of her personal evolution in the future, and the dialogue is awful. It is worth sitting through both of the monologues she directs in Marley’s general direction to see the purposeful disaster that is the “Love Child” . Sacrilegious in the best possible way, the sea of  sequins is my kind of nativity scene. While I know the whole thing is a ploy to convince the church mouse in Kitty to take over as the Virgin Mary, I would love to have seen the community’s reaction to Unique and the baby Jesus in his shiny blue diaper.

Glee S05E08 promo pic 1

Kurt, Rachel, and Santa drunk on eggnog is pretty fun to watch, although I would hate to be their downstairs neighbors. Despite the unsavory version of  “The Chipmunk Song”, which will be stuck in my head well past New Year’s, it is always fun to see the chronically uptight Kurt Hummel let his hair down once in a while, even though it always seems to end poorly.  Unlike the misspelled tattoo excursion, this episode of drunkeness leaves Kurt hogtied and gagged against his will in his own home. He should feel violated. I do. And while we are talking about Bad Santa Cody, how come Sexy Santa gets more onscreen play than poor Blaine?  Between the condom wrapper in “The First Time” and the mentions of Kurt getting cyber-lucky post tongue-piercing, we know that despite his 1950’s school boy gel helmet, Blaine isn’t always so dapper.

Comprehensively, this episode just isn’t good. The writing is bad, the musical numbers are over the top in the wrong way, and I can find no kind words for the antler tree. Good news is, at least we get to see Becky Jackson as the baby Jesus.