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The Failure Chronicles Vol. 2: ‘Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance’ and the endless end-boss

The Failure Chronicles Vol. 2: ‘Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance’ and the endless end-boss

Nothing could possibly stop this badass right? RIGHT!?

The Metal Gear Solid series has one of the strongest and most adamant fan-bases in the business, and not without reason. Featuring a deeply enriching mythology, genre-bending gameplay, a boundary-pushing philosophy, and the highest production values, it’s not difficult to see why this series holds such a strong place in the hearts of gamers. Likewise, it’s no feat to understand why spin-offs of such a beloved narrative might be looked at less favorably than their main storyline ilk, and Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is certainly no exception. However, I’m not here to discuss how this game may or may not fare in comparison to the other entries in the series, but how badly it kicked my ass during the finale.

That’s right folks, I’ve never completed Metal Gear Rising, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. I powered my way through Minstrel, Monsoon, Sundowner and Blade Wolf, and I even struggled my way past Jetstream Sam, but nothing could prepare me for what awaited me after all of those heavy-hitters were laid low: a muscle bound dork from the Republican party. That’s right, the end-boss of Revengeance is essentially a nuclear businessman, a fact that only grows more and more frustrating with every ass-kicking he delivers unto you. Here you are, a badass cyborg with super strength, super speed and the sharpest katana ever wielded in human history, and you’re getting crushed by Donald Trump on steroids.


Behold, the ruiner of dreams!

Despite Kojima’s lesser involvement in the game, it feels like a decidely Kojima touch, for as much as Kojima-san loves building up mythical heroes, the one thing he loves more is reminding them (and the audience) just how easily they can be toppled, humiliated, and humbled by their circumstances. Having what is essentially the highest of anime tropes getting pummeled by his total opposite, and an object of much disdain for the audience is a hilarious touch for MGR; unfortunately it begins to lose its propensity for humor after he crushes you for the 25th time.

This was my sad experience with the aptly named Senator Armstrong, and that it might open me up to the same humiliation suffered by many a Metal Gear character is not lost on me in any sense. Despite my best efforts though, I found myself lying defeated in the rubble countless times before at last throwing in the towel. How many attempts did I put in before giving up for good? Well, I lost count in the end, but certainly more than 30. At that point it was either me or my controller that was going to have to give in, because the hard cement of my basement man-cave was precisely where that controller was about meet it’s end if I didn’t give in, or worse, my TV screen. Luckily I’ve reached a point with age where I know when to quit, and so quit I did.

At this point you might be wondering at exactly what point I was destroyed in the battle with such crushing regularity. Well I’ve included a helpful video for just such a question as this. It’s at about the 4:00 minute point that I was made an example of again and again. Somehow I just could never get the blade slices timed during that final QTE before I was wiped out, and to come so very close to success just to be ruined so many times made the taste of defeat all the more sour and succinct in its potency.

Eventually I did yield, as mentioned above, and in the end I was lowered to searching YouTube to see how the battle played out and the ending that followed. It’s not an easy thing to admit defeat to a piece of AI, but if Terminator is correct, it’s a fate we will all share eventually, my experience with this just came a little sooner. Sorry John Connor but this is a war we can never win, and I for one welcome our new robot overlords! Long live the machines!