The Best Worst Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
A true action hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger is also the ultimate source of classically terrible and amazing films. Forget G.I. Joe, Schwarzenegger is the real American hero proving that in America it’s as easy to have a lucrative film career without talent or experience as it is to be a senator of a major state without a political background.
Hercules in New York. (1970) Directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman. In the film that launched his career, an inexperienced and barely English-speaking Arnold takes the stage as Hercules (To be honest, the title of the movie really wraps up the plot). Notoriously funny and wonderfully bad, his voice is dubbed the entire film, and only much later when it was re-released on DVD was Arnold’s real voice re-dubbed. It also marked the beginning of his classic one-liners, “Ha ha ha, you have strucked Hercules!”.
Conan the Barbarian. (1982) Directed by John Milius. Unfortunately doing little to aid his acting skills, Conan the Barbarian features in a barely coherent Schwarzenegger as legendary Conan. Worth seeing alone for the scene where he drunkenly punches a camel after stumbling away from some loose women (or in his words, “Slats”, Arnold Schwarzenegger for sluts). On a vengeful quest to destroy the villain who abolished his tribe, we see Conan’s outrageous adventure as he kills his enemies and gets closer to the evil sorcerer who killed his parents.
True Lies. (1994) Directed by James Cameron. The title alone is even the best worst. In this debauchery Schwarzenegger is married to the 80’s screen queen Jamie Lee Curtis, who has become bored of her dull, unexplainably (and apparently to her, unnoticeably) buff pencil-pushing husband. As a twisted and bizarre trick, Arnold finds himself setting his wife up and tricking her into meeting him at a hotel for the most disturbing and uncomfortable striptease of 1994 (at the very least). One thing leads to another and she finds out that her husband is actually a sexy secret agent and their once boring marriage is saved as they work together and fight for their lives.
I feel a little guilty for only listing 3 when literally any one of his films could have made this list, so next time you find yourself in the Arnold section of your video store, remain confident that they are all good!
By Melanie Kozlan