Confession: I enjoy things that are so bad they’re good so much that when it comes to television I honestly can’t differentiate between the bad and the good. With the success of shows like Rock of Love (now on it’s third season) it would appear that the worst you make a show the better television it is and more entertainment value it pertains. That being said, I have compiled the three ultimate cheesy, satisfying and tasteless television worth buying- if you rent it, you’ll just have to rent it again to show you’re friends. Side note, all 3 of these shows make fabulous drinking games.
Rock of Love Season One.(2007) Created by Mark Cronin. Bear with me, Brett Michaels, the infamous singer from one hit wonder 80’s band Poison stars in his very own reality show to find his true love, as well as to prove that literally anyone can have a reality show so long as it attracts trashy enough contestants. Brett Michaels himself is ridiculous, with his must-be-fake hair always hidden under a cowboy hat, his struggles with juvenile diabetes and his hilarious attempts to prompt the catchphrase “What’s a-going on?!” Hilarious as he is, the girls are what makes the show. His quest for love seems to attract every stripper who has ever been previously rejected from any VH1 reality show. One house, one washed up singer, and more implants and drunk girls than the world can handle. Best part of the season: Brandi M. throwing up in her hand during a fancy dinner. Don’t threaten me with a good time!
Beverly Hills 90210 Season Two. (1991) Created by Darren Star. The original 90210 may have suffered ten years of Tori Spelling, but in reality she tried her best and the remake of America’s most well known zip code pales by comparison. Season two is by far the most satisfying: Shannon Doherty runs the show being a notorious over dramatic bitch, her twin brother Brandon dabbles with U4EA (not to be confused with ecstasy) and Luke Perry annoys the hell out of parents everywhere by being the bad boy whose only fault is to play by his own rules and attend alcoholics anonymous. Every character looks at least 10 years too old to be in high school (Andrea Zuckerman is the only teen in history with crow’s feet, although Luke Perry’s forehead is disturbing as well as the fact that Ian Ziering had to oblige to get hair plugs before signing on to play Steve Sanders). Best part of the season: The episode where the Spelling network comes up with a creative and unsettling way to kill off David Silver’s (Brian Austin Green) best friend Scott Scanlon so that David can seamlessly become part of the gang and drop his dweeb-like ways.
MacGyver Season One. (1985) Created by Lee David Zlottoff. If you never watched the original MacGyver when it aired or if you simply preferred Walker Texas Ranger, you probably has seen him mocked on other shows for being endlessly resourceful, using household items to concoct wild solutions to impossible circumstances. As quoted on The Simpsons, “ Don’t thank me, thank the Earth’s gravitational pull!”. Richard Dean Anderson in the role of his life, armed with the tagline, “His mind is the ultimate weapon”, MacGyver never fails to deliver. Watch him escape a vengeful ‘Safe’ house, the middle east, Terri Hatcher and of course, skidoo out of a coffin rigged with dynamite. Best of the season: a tie between his brilliance to use a map as a sled and him reluctantly returning to his enemy when they demand “MacGyver! Come back!”
By Melanie Kozlan