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My ‘Sim’ is more successful than me…and I hate him for it

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The popular simulation game franchise, The Sims, just released it’s umpteenth expansion pack. This new pack introduces hot tubs and a gaggle of new clothing options. It seemed like a cash grab on EA’s part, and for $10, it didn’t seem to add a whole lot of content to a game barely past it’s third trimester. My Sims barely changed clothes as it was, and they were generally inside all the time, improving their skills.

So, naturally, I had to buy it.

After installing it and playing for a bit, my Sims family had a hot tub on their deck, which they dropped some cash to expand to allow for the new asset. Add this to the pool in the back and the “modest” home they lived in, and it was easy to see why I hated Connor Marsh. The Sims games have always been about expression. You could make yourself in the game, get a job, build a huge house, and generally live a great life. They could inspire you to be more than you were, get a better job, keep your house clean, keep your bills paid – The Sims could help you reach your potential. Unless you made the same guy I did, which would just make you hate him with every fiber of your being.

Granted, Connor Marsh is not a carbon copy of me (my face is way less punchable, plus he has all this stupid hair over his stupid head), but he certainly has some of the same traits as me. But he makes it look so easy, the smug bastard. Does the dishes with minimal prodding. Never sleeps in for work. Owns a toilet. These are things I wish I could do, but for some reason, I can only achieve them in a facsimile of myself.

He’s a stand up comedian, which basically makes him a professional asshole. This is a skill built on interaction with other people, developing timing, finding your voice, and all that other stuff. Connor decided this was too much work and just yelled at himself in the mirror for hours on end. I understand that being a comedian brings with it some level of healthy self-loathing, but Connor takes the cake when it comes to aggressive self-obsession.

Our little rockstar also makes $474/hour, and works 3 days a week. I make… less than that and work more than that. I understand the idea behind a comedian being a different kind of artist, but come on. He has a bit titled “Cupcakes Are Great”. Louis CK he is not. Comedy is in a sad state of affairs if this is what puts people in chairs.

Connor is also incredibly good at cooking, so long as he has a microwave and not a lot of responsibility. Sure, he’s put the hours in to learn the skill, but he’s one of those guys that buys the best stove money can get, and then uses it for counter space. He’s a one pot cook. He literally put “using the back burner” on the back burner.

He’s also got the best TV hanging on his wall, which I don’t begrudge him for. And he’s got a $3,750 gaming mat that gathers dust in the corner. Had to have it. Wanted to be a professional video game player. Used it for 5 minutes, stopped using it. I understand that he can use his money however he wants, but this sounds like a gross misuse of the household finances.

I remember when I first started the game and Connor had a small house with no TV. Struggled to pay bills. Had to sell a window to buy pizza. Those were the days. He’s forgotten where he came from. Now, I can feel him laughing at me through the front facing floor to ceiling window in his master bathroom.


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